nov 6...new page soon...went to nabisco's golden child ikea in burbank yesterday (metro rail the subway in hollywood to universal studios then mta bus 155 from universal's entrance marquee to burbank center where macy's and sears is...walk out of macy's north side it's right there you enter through outdoor christmas shops hidden in tents) to get some shelves and legs for this red peanut-shaped tabletop (it is theirs by the way 400.872.42 they only had a heavy glass table top shaped exactly the same in yellow-ish white - maybe the stock bottom? we needed to get ours further and hadda fight for a $20 black shelf 'lack' 401.591.06 with someone holding it in hand no red or green would go here)...mta is now issuing their day passes on the credit card-like 'tap' card issued by drivers for $6 with the day-long pass credited at once (i got an extra $0.55 somehow too...refill at pavilions courtesy desk 'cash only' says our friend 'edgar' at the desk)...other purchases that day 'lack' beige 401.637.78 for towels in the bathroom and round gray legs for the computer table 'vika curry' or 'one way out' in portugese slang as all 701.052.92...ikea has the small red table lamp we featured earlier about $7 a pop, laughable paper comforters for the bed in all common quote around $10, and add the thread set we bought 601.759.40 and the skillet cover for oil splatter...wood-handled paint brush set real cheap...
pavilions has my phone the net10 lg '900g' wideset on sale in or near the tinfoil aisle for roughly $25 right now
add 200 minutes and as a three-month card for $20 and you're set to play it out in furs
the phone is simply electric in response when you turn it on and plays the internet broadly on flats unless you burden excessively
(my 'index' or home page 'dougmoon.com' the only failure so far by memory - this one '10111.html' fit right in and additional questions resolve to further use...a finger goes up and down menu choices with arrow then clicks with 'ok' button)
trac-fone is good, but this is real good...and cheaper too even with no double-minutes? yup and in the store i thought still 'no monthly fee?' the use of minutes spells it out them
my other lg lent out to sane neil... thank you neil 'i wouldn't give him one no matter what - my mother wants it'
fifteen bucks every day you live plus minutes (now $7.50 on sale same shop)
'til tuesday 'have mercy' from the 'everything's different now' lp (1988)
oops! the 'welcome home' lp i mean from 1986 or so
i highly recommend 'til tuesday's music until you know better ('on sunday'?)
extras: a live-looking 'coming up close' same lp and one i sang with here lately a student function a 'calgary, a light meeting'....simply charming with piano
got me 3-d glasses by mail today 11/01 my dad's birthday - thanks
rescreened the jackson video - not bad - now save your set (michael says he was there on halloween next to me...i missed that)
watched janet and brother jermaine on tv last night as a strange boyhood couple and with richard pryor as his dad steve harvey 'you don't meet richard pryor'
she drove her mother's cadillac escalade into a wall of bushes and he helped fix it for a month of fake dates carefully negotiated her a star to him
see it all... name? 'love don't cost a thing'
A 'prophelan' takes my place at dinner - is a false prophet. A 'prosylan' tries to change your code...
Kim Kardashian was married to Marc Ondy it seems...we weren't real and then we decided to try and be real and then he talked about 'men's legs' her quote. She's on 'Jersey Shore' right now.
the place was mobbed silly last night...no sniffs would intrude though i went to bed at midnight plus...more later and surely
Take note: The credit union usually lets us go to the store and buy and sell on tomorrow's payday no matter what. Will not be reflected on the screen or until tomorrow's business day, but maybe you slide in. Give it a try - I can't get mine this month yet, but soon maybe a bag trip and $200 in cash. Retro raises tomorrow and all might raise the stakes, but check for weekend rates too on Monday's money a ludicrous payday but saves you cash. I owe my drug dealer almost nothing for this wait. Meanwhile, eBay posted a twenty-one day wait on my money at PayPal note that a never-before-seen (or then the difference between cash and authorizations on a credit made). The sale is $40 + $10 on a balsa wood plane this not mine or not desired of, but started with a two-dollar bid and a claim for 'no returns'...this a vintage kit. Trust that...these bitches are trying too hard. Fuck me and its up in you.
7:58 PM I GOT MINE!
HaPpY HaLloWeEn 2011! "It's not about who dies; it's about who kills them." - dM
"I need to come out on top - refreshed." - dM
"I don't need anything with you, I need it without you." - dM
mummy at pavilions weho and the spread of it...
great light as boot it flashes with cross and wouldn't come on as long i tried to photo - is real somehow
is at lightbulbs unlimited on beverly in their black-light 'sex shop' in back on left
these flowers with lights inside are intricate there too; some are orange puffs - very ornate
hanging bulbs like this are very classy to me i love them plain, very morgue
these branches are for halloween - dark and with purple lights on the ends and inside $15 about
the store has plenty of colored tissue balls to replace in your outdoor chinese lanterns too - mine got shitty-looking fast $5 each
a coke machine makes brilliant change for laundry - insert bills or coins and demand your change for each soda
ours upstairs in the gym used to give back $1 gold hyacinths, however - what a cunt - like someone is sitting in there - they are too
someone suggests here that gratuitous male nudity is this as 'old versus new' - you are on drugs or 'less than charitable' than-or what you expect to receive...gratuitous means you are 'overly grateful' as much as to pain - or make me know - and that is hanging on you, on a heartbeat...
someone on the news suggests that a million faces overlain (left to be found as simply not hidden well-enough) in photo sense provides an asian (well, no shit) - more like you leave out things that are the same to get our differences or individual note and you have eyes in the sky - or that - a vaseline-type asian with brown eyes if the tincture brown is actually yellow plus black..'oh, no!'...your parents dictate you if people hate this shit and you are like a picture taken on a cell phone - just about mixed-taken at that time - they grow and change their nail color to be rude...plus then there's the small margin you live in below people who won't know you and people won't tell you what they hate about you...seem...be about you wherever you are...i do look like a chicken i do 'have you been feeding me fish oils again?' all fins on hips...
this tree was cut bad but has personality still and on san vicente
i took terry to marshall's last night to pick out a leather dub $45 (for the family and look (and so he doesn't take mine back before payday $50)
he's getting $100 to have his ass checked today but he'll flake on the hold citing 'food' his belly
every cash bit that comes in this door flamed is docked $10 for vodka each and every time
i don't drink at home, nigger - not with that 'two sads and a baby'
speaking of two sads, we saw bradley ('hangover ii') cooper last night at cvs lacienega hi bradley (i checked his ass out - it was him ok)
on our walk this gate was somehow open and he closed it after view
i said open it again for a picture and afterward he said go back and close it (he apologized lightly to some unseen within)
i said 'is that how you found it?'
this is always a turd to me somehow - a junkbox full of nonesuches
remember good samaritans and animal lovers make me puke - be natural no one asked you to
i wanna be interesting and also urge public deference - never question another adult that way
that's like whites talking to blacks at height in the old south - no needs one it the violence
'i'm using their wanton cash and i'm ugly now' like you seem to be
'anything to give their life some meaning' - pet shop boys 'violence' a great song right now album #1 (1:44 thrills me as 'echo in toms' or time)
no, it's easier than that: you're poor now - money is so glad you're here with us
his 3% raise is going through this month with four retro months then july 1 never enough for that, but that $22 a month union fee ain't paying - should we?
letting people off when they're down? it started off with an extra $100 a month but that dropped somehow and here it is $126 more?
not mine but careful
this frog i say is aztec (includes inca - inca are youth only not allowed around as bothersome)
i love its look and the white pumpkin obscured 'one is the other' or both house them nicely after such on san vicente good art only me
last night i hadda remember our 95 honda accord ex at 7-eleven at holloway and lacienega
this was it - color (sage metallic), electric (or glovebox crank) moonroof, aluminum alloy rims, but leather and all (from robertson honda studio city)...$40 grocery net in trunk
...from a tax return
i want you to know us before its too late - i often cite machine failure as a good reason to post early...spell checking is a failure to be often
when my texts drop, i remember what i said, but not how so and it pisses me off - i'm a great conversationalist to me...
...as opposed to a 'humanist' a person who knows your problems and spends five seconds trying to conform you - a pig
after all, there's always someone out there who can use my things better
'make your bets in life and take your share' - c. hynde (i've got some of yours yet)
meanwhile, i don't remember my brothers and sister too much - it's very exciting - we run out in costume as soon as possible from house to house when it gets dark
...and then candy counting was like christmas morn - all excitement - aimed at the parents who are abeyant or held in some suspense of it
i learned early on not to be immature and water your flaves down with having to enjoy with others so held - a child's way they don't need to agree
perhaps you're asking something somehow and burdening the system
btw, red underlines in edit are helpful, yes, but it doesn't get rid of duplicate words or perhaps words missing - in excitement - or synching (recopying from a mind center held) yes (versus optics held or reading for meaning again)
reading takes time and rules you to writing if 'rules are made for the not having' - dM
p.s. someone reminds me i was a ben cooper pirate one year too (black hair red scarf ? eye patch) - we have no pictures others might...i was box-kit spiderman, too
my father says in the head 'they steal 'em' as they're thick polaroids always
tip: we have one neighbor in polaroid - no name he's a pain in the ass no further invite - wrapped in toilet paper he's a mummy - brilliant! - when he's not buying old mattresses for $50
terry butt rum launched on that thought too - i like flowers from the grave myself
people wanna know about that 'rum' movie and i psychically read it as two people a man and a woman who redo others to be more attractive in corporate sense - they get home together one night and he insults the woman as having a need for it and with his advice and she challenges his crown versally - he says 'i'm here - that proves it' - and no more from me, in-truth i've seen nothing of it at all....
la times 10-26 page d-9 sez annenberg space for photography free exhibit this weekend wednesday-sunday century city
free 3-d glasses for sase only (fun as a 'self-addressed stamped envelope' or as the dead say of federal-level entropy 'saliva endocrine saladine encephalopathy-neurological exam') as offered online
ranch dressing is just sour cream and mayonnaise 1:1 (some garlic, salt - obb with oil) ? i made some today...not bad!...that was after having my favorite trader joe's salad the 'bbq chicken' with vinegar dressing, black beans, shredded cheese, and corn only $3.99 no tax neither...i hadda get romaine lettuce (then $0.99 a head - is iceberg grown in a bag and tormented), roma tomatoes (no seeds then), and 'armenian' or small pickling cucumbers (a zucchini actually? so hum) for 'him' anyway last night he hates the trader joe's* thing or i'm allowed to have alone...more: make sure you check organic (as unwanted) prices - i got big ol' celery stalks for $0.99 that's half price...
*tried their orange-creme joe-joe's the store-brand of oreo cookie - not bad - i was skeptical because there's no crushed candy cane inside like the christmas ones...also the magnum ice cream bar is full-flock now in the freezer section with white chocolate-covered ones now...the orange 'friday's' creamsicle is hard to hold someone says the last burp goes to the dog it tastes that bad - just grind up freezer bars and keep it special...'lucerne' makes 'em cheap and correct no tropicana...that stuff has alcohol in it already no matter what just like the new ice cream shop 'sno-bar' nearby (what was quizno's failed twice - what? you don't like fried bologna?) adds a little vodka to their shaves...like shelf poop it is a soap flower or something...i tried strawberry and their midori (green melon)...very diet-oriented...all disappears like air in the cup...
look, ma - the best little whorehouse in texas is here!
revolver opened its doors already - just like it was...be welcome
midnight sun, if you'll parson the way, is the san francisco counterpart or stand-up bar just off castro; the names might have changed 'the regis' now
castro is just off market and is nearly opposite divisadero 'no welcome' where cows walked and where 'interview with the vampire' is shot as corner
this crush pumpkin shows no effort and is at cvs lacienega and beverly
there's a green palve or stem on-top - yes - we decided to be visually close in size for meters else and mayhem
i awoke this morning from a dream and with what was like someone threw a book at the back of my head (the corner hit left upper back lightly)...the dream started off with women i work with at ucla doing budgets - i'm so tired somehow it is a male like me i won't update or report on our books for what seems like months now and it threatens my employment somehow...just sitting there...a former female boss or two looms (no correcting but no assuring of either) and i was fighting one played by linda alvarez who is actually someone on tv she is a news personality...she opened an envelope with a $150k check in it (it has a red or pink band on-top) and refused to hand it over to me as saying i wasn't worth it somehow almost a shoving in my face...i got in her face after she tried to remove me from the whole scene and i told her after thinking a bit crossways you should check again i'm a big fucking deal you're going to fool (the place you know), not me...i had to get right in her face twice and left the scene on right view facing north with someone - another male, a deathwish - hitting me on the back of the head with a chair (my style is more like what i think happened to jerry springer all surprise no head or teeth chatter - between you and me, i literally drove to a sporting good store at beverly conection to buy a baseball bat for one of the aforementioned types hearing her in my head one day too corporate in stance (i listen to phone calls this way too but reject any charity i'm hated or not 'third person makes me cry...') - one cited for being classy and not being present when i was lifted out - cite in review as nine-tenths but doing no move)...cap with two thoughts then be three: i thought when hit to go down immediately and half-fake the headwound to see if i could get someone to kill this bitch, then the husband a sturdy blond plus-minus comes to mind and gets it to be an easy review then back off he was worth it somehow (no fool lives here)...close with one thought someone taking sand (scalp wounds) outta my head in a quick bolt a flip-top or pur (near flames at back of head - a type of cleaning you surmise like any round drum) they help but are feeble this way and maybe terry my roommate turned and hit me in my sleep like i punch him sometimes for being too close to a fighting dream i strike out to nuisance...i've done this...at least these undo each other...remember, i get hurt paying money, not playing with you and your mind...one favorite story in the office is someone's son jacking up his mother's boyfriend a co-worker she an assistant type this is all stud to me...in my head anyway...i make good for me too...
gary numan and title track 'dead son rising' - it made me listen twice
a dead son is one who comes back from the grave to major a simple care for a suffering mother and says he wasn't important at all
(stabbing westward)
we come
we go
some world we can remember
redone
no songs
no words
just whispers that wait for you to sleep
and when you dream
we'll come for you
and remand your fame
we've seen such things
hide them from you
and so keep you here
you've seen god's bleeding
i've seen worlds downed [alts 'damned']
we've seen stars falling
and i've seen the dead son rising
we've lived for years
we keep you sane
we keep you a known
we dive
for youth
like rain we fall
until you lie down
we pot the grass
without you
we're all left aground
we are thought lost
without you
we're all signing the land [with our grease, a grave - no one else comes near]
one watched
god bleeding
one washed [away] well-dones
one watched skies falling
and i washed the dead son rising
and i washed the dead son rising
and i washed the dead son rising
x
------------------------
to be edit:
you bring me
life's fire
and show me your god
(to mean you bring me a lit torch to keep me back and show me past you but not clearly said yet)
@@@@@@@@fLanK
one successful streaking video - usually they're english and gross and have 'potato legs'
this guy had to undergo treatment for this stance and claims he was 'barg'd' over it
the guy who does the scan wouldn't agree after he told him to 'show me' his stance, and after all, these fuckers are usually gross, and if not, a mind played out
says he wouldn't agree anyway - that's funny, not
'whaddaya gonna do - keep putting out plates for everyone hoping to have a little something to eat?' - dM
note this guy has good gait and won't spread his legs far running - is well done and he jets - i thought maybe a wig thanks and i'll see you later after reviewing bosley's offer for their $250 hair coupon 'a hair splitting with hairs'
by the way i ask neil all the time if he's 'gonna jet' there - and that means 'drop everything' and happily enough taking off for it right now - for a foodstuff on sale, usually
presenting the real tweedledum and tweedledee at mickey's missing red horned masks only...'tournavale and tournament' men and women together here not - nov 12
'arms open to me - arms broken to me'
deportation is personal - keep the world out, 'ask about' first is my trump card...be right about it, know why not...mind says 'think it over - not today yet you know what to do...' to 731-79
i told people here i was gonna try and 'fisk' another bottle of soda $0.79 before sales end today (and others begin?) that word - fisk - is it to 'finesse'? As opposed to 'fist', I think it means 'see it first', to see the 'false pretenses' entering of a higher taste, to 'fish' for it...find silently...
having a party? consider the wealths of electric and-or oil popcorn - the microwave is great (i'm having some actii 'butter' right now), but this bowled me over recently...rule: start with five (5) minutes for any micro bag, but stay near and pull out as soon as the popping slows noticeably, but walk to it a bit slowly...and be sure...
nothing original from 'scooby doo' but this is it...too wealth?
spanish bitches complain that no one ever got to go along with them 'no one gets in'
no one got to be with pet shop boys either...you miracle stuff
reconsidered, scooby has ugly spots on his back and his teeth pain with chatter 'castenets' is the word missing there - plus shaggy is a hippie?
the girl and boy are a but shine not mine as rule (beggars) you have good we understand why not, but velma is ours as the jew who's always hounded by nearsightedness but is concerned with general welfare and as children may seem - our friend
i hate them all never talk to me or as i say 'sell me your shit' as me being sold off you are beggars
i need royals and try and kill that too ;) don't reduce yourself to beg here
but back to, and although spanish complain 'we pay for this somehow' - yeah, it's built into no pay 'show your stuff'...
...or as mickey dolenz of the monkees notes 'i never think of it'
for the record, the original 'scooby doo' series has the best ghost wails 'ohh' + 'aah' - that's who taught me...by the way, cvs made up the $20 printer cartridge to me when i bought legs for this table as an unassembled black-top computer desk (one of kind then - a steal - they now have it at the lacienega and beverly shop along with that swank pole light with green switch-out globe that i can't buy for fear of having with here) $14...that's too cheap we agreed...i keep the black wooden top boxed fresh for later use when we get good sturdy legs for this new red top...from ikea maybe...who makes this anyway ? i love its style of providing aside of wealths...i do...my solution was brilliant at it too...
'in the arms of orion' - what is that - a prince song? people think it's a great lover by synch - that's okay, but we make it a marked man, kinda, standing spreadout in an 'x' and the three stars in his belt are the sash ascending to a bow and arrow...if you're there through some kind of convince or 'arriving' as we say, you're gonna take his wounds out-front...my favorite constellation suggests he's quite guilty of surest and poison shots to be seen as purely vicious in the individual sense, and also, they don't believe in a one-per-one mute, it is annihilation by many arrows you seek to eliminate and how so? i just like the simple form, but i don't believe the arms of orion are anything but mine and it's still a 'loving' or 'having' place to be...play cocteau twins 'spooning good singing gum' (about ignoring be-to-me suchly and having it your way if you're quite sure like i am 'blue bell knoll' or above-ground cow grave are you worth it at all?) a cambodian or cantonese ritual of removing your loins and poisoning you all the while ('til you're blind in heaven, sure) - it is celebration of the self we seek, not great art - or is it the other way around? watch a cage of human-like blue ghosts suffer a cement tablature of 'god's laws to me' riding down to the floor with monkeys coming in on-top to snatch your blind and bald as for food...i can see it more than you...and focus on my choices alone...sum
heaven 101: the store says they slow down the register 'cause every time they sell they 'lose money'...true...i wouldn't do this for that pay...so what ? when you actually pay, it becomes 'cash basis' and that is taxable commerce right then as opposed to 'accrued' or earned but not paid (like vacation time kinda, and no, unearned but booked is owed to the advance or is a 'liability' - another hate)...anyway, they look at their costs and they are too high for the sale price usually but is made up in lots sold somehow the first sold at a high pay then...it is labor that is cited in excess and so what ? there are charities (if god's mercy is everywhere like plasmas in shark's teeth that bite so cleanly - like venom, it's the brains of little bitches that inject too harshly its sames) and most say watching the numbers makes you poor and if letting go is fanfare yeah that's it...price demands whatever it takes to keep it on the shelf for cash demand or make money one and the same you have it over many such crimes...a job is #1...
spent my last few ducats (dockets or time sheets at a job - in a veritable prison) at cvs for the big bag ($4.49) of gold medal flour advertised yesterday $2.50 with stale end-date 'july 3 2012' - besides pig (country) gravy (one tablespoon melted bacon fat, one tablespoon flour, salt and pepper to taste, and add milk then in a hot skillet) we had a whole chicken reduced to wild rice soup and i coulda baked bread over that...no yeast...will buy the frozen loaves too very soon for doughnuts (press in sugar and fry on each side in a pan) and hot pork sausages and case pork roll at bristol farms...i hate a health in itself...threats keep things moving...my new contact lenses are greasy that's all since one day after the first three (3) pair acuvue $20 fobd thank you 1-800-contacts...fromb lens.com wanted to check on credit-type things...either way you win with me...thank you
took that $30 hp printer deskjet f4480 (brand-new from july 2010 $32.84) to the goodwill shop on beverly east of lacienega near the beverly centertaco bell...that's what i was advised to do online...staples gave me an $8 credit for the 'used' printer cartridges (four of them, actually - one not related at all but held for speakings from the last machine second hand fax major of same company) one new from cvs though the box, bags, and receipts were junked in favor of a quickened self (think of economies taken here and never redo one's mind too much for it come)...four (4) bottle cokes in november then...toni said they the new library recycles this stuff (i wouldn't feel real good just trashing this black sturdy scanning box myself another bitch to the consider) but 'no' they said i stopped in on the way...they want ink cartridges...at $2 a soda pop so do i, nigger...these printers are clipped off fighting sturdy user languages they say...my threat to teach others a simple counterfeit using 'schweddy balls' the new ben & jerry official paper trick (honors 'scott schwed' or then sean our son)...sim sim...the paper cutter
as i tell women 'i don't want your job - i want to see nudes doing it' - dM, then you'll love like me or not be at all
being a smartie pants, i usually add an 'l' to wednesday's child 'rooselvelt' - where did that spelling come from ? the internet is no authority after all ? mind over says it's a slower-thinking moose type...they are aroused somehow...sure...a 'rosel' (say 'row-vuhl') is a moose in canada so what ? it means 'rich child' and that is to explain 'aroused'...the 'velt' is a county as 'velvit' or 'pulpit of sane' then...ho hum...you can't do this, either...'it's more than conveltva' or the lace-stamped hurt of women's clothing fame (toni wore a pea-green conveltva long-sleeve at the 'cuckoo' concert at the palace in hollywood thanksgiving 1993)...not only does it keep me in-place, you see me suffer...you haven't lived until you've seen a spanish-type faggot wear the block-red convelva undies 'for a wedding' ostensibly that are sold at 'block party' who made that king's hat (a 'pauf') appear on the street...faggots shoot for the moon or demand attention...or, as i usually say, 'i do what i hafta do' to keep my stuff or 'no' we are just standing next to each other at a red light...like they tell me...now be gone...'two for the green'...
'agra-po' from neil as quote about a man we saw 'very agra-po' as 'angry poor' - his mother says 'very stealth' taking fast...i think oatmeal, eating low on the food chain like 'poor' people reason a rice and beans diet...if 'poor' means 'lacking in education' to me (you hafta ask always, you don't know what to do for yourself and can be a self-described mostly like 'gay' and if 'poverty' or hungry is heinous in description to most)...mostly the queen says 'angry poor' and president nixon agrees with neil's mother and says angry poor 'won't work with us'...i think mostly self-sustained agra-growing types with having its food but no article or cars - is fat in the face with no poisons of...then a grower of green table grapes tells of their seedlings being baked-heated in an aquarium bedded of rock salt with candles nearby (at night only) then usual backyard growing...quoted from the store last night, is a 'christmastown' of many subgrowers contributing some for to the look of having all and providing at cash demand...agra-po! the sky trams from great adventure seen below made us all here see 'creation' again the lay of the land, the clouds down seeming through africa...creation is no bubble like here and it reminds...i tell people the stars and black of space is seen recently to me as a giant orb and we are only next to it...kinda...like you arrive in sunlight kinda a part of the day each day...we never learn but see in time...planes traveling great distances admitting light sources...
that e-mail to mom comes back bolded:
"Yeah, I know I'd rather eat shit than say as a beggar. Cash is always better no approve, but keep in your back pocket is fairly good to use on-the-spot. "How can I help with cash that's still here?"
Thanks.
Doug
Date: Mon, 24 Oct 2011 12:55:20 +0000
From: gerimoon@comcast.net
To: noomguod@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: FYI Simple Money
That is more work for me. Will continue to send cash."
this is our toni halliday dressed as a black 'jessie' for magnum ice cream company - 'mine' she says in pasadena (um, the heart inlaid with logo says 'nestle' 'good humor')
right now, pavilions weho will give you two (2) full-size ice cream bars on a stick for $1 - they're in the small cup section above the mini haagen dazs cups also $1
they were great - thanks and no 'fage' she says
huh? meanwhile, no yogurt will pink grapefruit a great dougmoon flavor - yogurt is just milk and lemons after all like chicken broth katie couric xox resident owner of 'yogurt stop' she's there blonde and all ellen rue, karen allen, etc., margot kidder, mother of nbc's 'ellen'
words words:
------------
'inept' - inexperienced
'asking' - aspiring
'darth' - death; the dark that makes you tired of seeing, knowing for yourself
p.s. did i tell you i stood in a grave facing north in my hometown as if watching myself an ash pot it seems on wet cement a rectangle the dirt may have surrounded and engulfed us as real-not real it's like that even as in your mouth - a vigil - a few days like murder of the lowest sort being left for real, forever and underneath...near the methodist church watching a younger self 'i care for him too much and wouldn't leave him alone...' i guess
another downed street light (no fault) on santa monica boulevard on the way to pavilions this 10/23
faggots sell these rubber-banded red velvet caps on the street..is for arbor day in france they said
'a day when a woman crowns you as a man and they, others, do whatever sexual-type favors you tell them to do'
a faggot to me if 'arbor' (a tree, sure) is like 'aramour' as 'other lover [to us]'
another france says '...a young man, and we want to know what you think of others at-large - do it now, on arbor day'
psst: no woman crowns you king - it's in that song by curve: we let u crown yourself with time and a rope then; you make it crown [you coin yourself]
is this a pauper as neil says? yes and no - a king's person but remoted often for slave wages for no talk, no new and as 'all is economic' in my bare...'food-laden' one adds me
a pauper to kings (richard et al) is one who who 'pops right over' or does not live
to me a pauper is a 'pall-bearer' one who lives with strife
test: 'am i pauper?' a pauper 'goes to church'...does whatever they have to do so yes a whore? um, no...is reflect like the word 'whore' or as we say in third grade a 'value judgment'
we don't use these words too yet, so 'chooses its own words' keeps it off me with no thought of to
for the curious, 'arbor day' is november 10 here usa and october 12 there in france
of known value, no china they don't celebrate ('we hate anger')...they say they france chop down all of their trees for having 'spirits in them'
more: 'pulpit' to me is 'polemicist' wants you to choose sides - what sounds like it makes people blanche or be pale with fear (spell 'unhappy')
'political' wants you to choose them to ride with a known good and as having good to say or deliver yourself however penny lane
both seem cartoon, but good is good or as i say happy is like a yawn - another will yawn too if not so said
that $30 microwave at target is back: $39 sunbeam microwave this week starting 10/23
for the record, i call a bald man 'cambre' for a boom lowering them in or as camera - always seeing with you but as just afforded to see...the firelight flickering on a cave wall draws them in; this is not hate, it is since...'bald as time' or blacks winningest still with 'bald each one at a time' i'll chop your head off...struggling with since...steven tyler is george harrison among others
i got my mother's monthly contribution by mail today (10/22 one day late) and thanks...and what if no laundry? said she mailed this gubner on wednesday from florida - someone's laying down on the job - wed-thu-fri usually and it's there on the second day off from florida, third from new jersey 08560, or as i say on the third full day from nj...oh, well...did you know the dead can touch cash envelopes and take up to fourteen (14) times per person per day? label, stitch..it makes a credit in heaven for them and they spend here...daily...my safe deposit box seemed to be missing $5 (major guffaw but see no and accuse) each will envelope then lick and label of sums...
i keep some liquid bleach and laundry soap in a spray bottle for the tub and surround is vicious - dumped in, boosts the white washload it seems...it seems
like the frankenstein poster, this of black cat was at foodstore 'collar & leash' today on santa monica boulevard
remember, we say pet food 'iams' as 'ions' or to be as fresh when wet in the air
sure - four (4) hydrogens and one (1) oxygen weighed down in one paw a soda pop
'boy' - if 'b' is really to pronounce 'lv', is to be 'avoided' much like the buoy on the ocean that 'keeps you afloat';
'girl' - 'grove', a place to rest some fruit;
girl equals curl? if 'curly' is truly 'coarsen' or stripped on the way in by hard work and dirt-grease (and knows much), 'curl' is for 'lacquer' what holds a false one or curl only...'bowie' or gender bender like the bent bow of arrow fame strings you along...
make your own gas? fill a glass jar of any size halfway with white sand and then with gas of your choice to top off...shake alternately for three (3) days then pour out gas and use as usual...fill gas jar with clean water and wait three (3) days and use...no shaking necessary, no problems...six (6) times at least...use and fill again no sand to the limit...
dairy queen redux at pavilions - been checking prices, looking for a nice pot roast...a real bloodsucker
the big-glitter pumpkin i wanted for mom maybe $9.99
new revolving door at revolver - the name is for the door, not the gun? this is the old west (really cincinnati?)
a photo found on the way to greystone this am 10/22
it's tableau'd 'soho house, west hollywood' (and atop the luckman building white lines, orange lights)
obscure sayings:
'in a pig's eye' (most notably from movie 'fried green tomatoes') - people think they pigs have intelligence in their one brown eye on the side, but they don't know when to run;
'til the cows come home' (a curve song like neil's 'answers') - to stay where one is until the next day go-round catches up with you as all arriving from behind and as with the sun; toni says 'til someone comes to get me, and 'neil didn't write 'answers' i did and he helped produce only' - so there...he wants it heard by others while i'm still nearly making myself cry with the beauty of other songs like 'sinner' on that comp 'new adventures' and by the way your new remixes are kindly;
'hand over fist' (as in making money) - you yourself get paid before you meet obligations or demands made of your own as fist on counter;
'the buck stops here' (as in teddy roosevelt) - if the money you hold is counterfeit (asks you not to give away, plus is some sent) or 'not good' to you, it is not good with you alone; don't be so quick to see or say against yourselves if a dollar keeps going, keeps barking unless you...
e-mail today 10/22, to my mother in Florida:
You can always go to CVS or Rite-Aid and get a Green Dot money pak (it's green and pictured everywhere). You pay $4.95 for the card plus put cash down on the counter up to $500 and then validate your card with the register. You get home, scratch off the number on back with a penny, and give me the number over the phone or e-mail. Use that - it's simple and fast fast fast.
Green Dot gives you a Visa or Mastercard card for free by mail if necessary and charges $5.95 a month to keep account. Reloads with direct deposit are free. Never a problem.
Thanks Doug
you can put money directly on paypal too!
paypal is an account online to keep monies and transfer - not good for receiver or donated funds though as who can say ? as open ended
------------------------be stupid, but alone in it----------i have three sources of input in my head no bubble and still you're here bothering me
make your own chip shale (gray) like the floor in beverly connection shine and wax: dry pure sea salt (ocean water) to one (1) cup per three (3) beaten chicken eggs - the sea salt must be cooked clean, that is no air drying (makes it stale - three [3] hours at most)...then cook or heat for three (3) more hours at three hundred (300) degrees no pressing allowed...ta-dah...pour in native or viscount (dirty corn oil) for coal -- yes yes -- fires > just put it out with wax or water splash
'the fall' elo from the 'xanadu' (say 'kat-man-du' the last place to see the day fold, haiti) soundtrack (1980)
do 'across the border' too from the 'out of the blue' double-lp (1977)
clocks fall back on sunday, november 7, 2010, at 2:00 a.m. i thought this was the vernal (autumn) equinox october 21 and all...
the vernal equinox is march 25th
the summer solstice (taking heat) or autumnal equinox is september 22
the vernal equinox is the highest the sun will be on the earth's vertical plane - the tilt of the globe makes a day or two - trust us
the solstice is the lowest plane dipped but sends light across fields its half orange slice as lowered drying everything out with not as much water
what made me wonder if i might live so well - beneath the lit skull but during the day
the nighttime isn't as evident, but it's what's important to me always
bamboo curtains at ['shop wild things' - link removed by request on 09/25/14] $30 and very heavy $10 ship ups
curb cut as high art on hancock...at santa monica
toys r us in the back at bed bath and beyond beverly center: $0.99 knit monkeys
$99.99 soda stream homemade soda and seltzer pump now at bed bath and beyond
they have a new 'susan g komen' breast cancer model in pink
nambe $249.99 dip and chips bowl bed bath and beyond
the bombay company tries to make a comeback $169.99 at bed bath and beyond
um, that poker and round is for olives and martinis, only
gary numan 'down in the park' from the 'replicas' lp (1979)
adds 'replicas' the title track...recorded at princeton
gary's got a brand-new new record out at itunes this month called 'dead son rising'...check it out...sum
down in the park
where the machman meet the machines
and play kill by numbers
down in the park with a friend called 'five'
i was in a car crash
or was it the war?
but i've never been quite the same
little white lies like i was there
come to zom-zom's
a place to eat
like it was built in one day
you can watch the humans trying to run
oh look there's a rape machine
i'd go outside if he'd look the other way
you wouldn't believe the things they do
down in the park
where the chant is 'death death death'
until the sun cries morning
down in the park with friends of mine
we are not lovers
we are not romantics
we are here to serve you
a different face but the words never change
---------------------------
about well-to-do queers meeting in hyde park at night among billyclubs and being afraid of knowing each other too well, too
a 'human' is someone you feed in your kitchen of home and health 'hunan' no way out 'who then'
zom-zom's is up all night, 'five' is your hand, english bobbies whisper half-threats in the bushes
nice people, bad news - always vascillating or being undecided or repentant
a machman unleashes to itself like fast and unrelenting german machinery and meets one such but dimwitted and slow
all-in-all, a holocaust of mean-type laughs as the undeveloped dead culture may be matched with another of underdeveloped presence
the cover is very franken-yul brynner 'westworld' a gunslinging robot i loved thinking of
that is oliver stone and jack nicholson too - 'be sure' it says and never will i we suspect it's true only...some
Muhammar Ghufar died August 12, 1996
Coldplay "Mylo Xyloto" my lonely friend a mylox [maalox] or way of doing myself in the medicine come first
micheal jackson 'thriller 3d'
Oliver Stone = Steven Seagal (of Kelly LeBrock fame is her father)
"Capitalism takes from people when no one else will." - Alec Baldwin who insists in a capitalistic system or 'environment' we bide or 'buy' each other
"I wanted to see how the French handle Socialism - we are not disabled and fail ourselves right here." - dM who thinks Capitalism is finders-keepers
at book soup - no, but you can laugh at the losses 'better to have fifty percent of nothing' - dM
'we should have nothing, together' - dM
'taxes keep people from funding a lavish privation - instead we all see it' - dM
a 'paella' is 'a one in million you'; a singular or lonely person...an 'unlikely collaboration' is you and your mother; the cat is this
a 'mx7' is a gun that shoots without firing; a slingshot is this...a 'fanzine' is 'no photographs of anyone not good'
a 'rebel' eats your food and runs the ship too; a gross person...a 'gypsy' eats your food and your cats; a witchcraft to kill cats or shapeshifters
anna nicole - joanne nicole lentoski - lately on sunset
a great renovation at sunset near doheny
skyway at six flags great adventure in new jersey - it progresses us
and we see they have panda express at the get out on left (a glendale, ca creation of 'panda inn'...glendale a la suburb is supposed to be like san francisco and was my first home july 1987 - june 1988)
i had dream about the flying wave at the head of someone's bed...
they wanted it there the pageantry, but all that was there was rounded light blocks in the wood
the knowing of seeing flying wave (a big mechanical theme here) was passed on to me as dreaming, but it wasn't truly there yet...
janet jackson 'miss you much' from 'rhythm nation 1814' lp (halloween 1990)
Halloweentown's Debbie Reynolds = Liz Taylor...I hated that. One is Polish (knows everything) one is Slovak (knows the future), respectively. Liz Taylor was my prom date - look for it. Mogul iTunes has these great Disney movies for sale only $9.99 each or 'Halloweentown IV' for $14.99. 'Hocus Pocus' is good too.
got a big box of 100 freezer pops for $1 at cvs earlier in the week (now see at $3.99 but watch)...still sampling the flavors, we believe is for ice daiquiris
the return of revolver (our midnight sun) sees no revolving door as of yet - 'no' they say
more on 10/21: they changed their mind - a brand new clear-glass revolving door was installed today
the wisdom is you enter the bar and stay still for a minute then get a drink - a video palace
thank not east-west who lost their lease approving funds for stores like me - i never drank not even once there...
again, the gate at the ol' pumpkin patch, different camera
pony rides
...the animals from yesterday
ducks
on hilldale towards cynthia (near dicks?)
last night 10/19 it looked like a great white shark was on my bed rearing up in the closet mirror and as i lay i wondered about its beauty, how i might photograph...then i decided somehow to take its body and go for a swim the shaking in the bed was violent for a minute, then i chased a little brown person left behind by a woman and another little boy and as i ate him around a boat's hull...the vision is blue, out-front, and sunlit water...the sight isn't what i expected but is as dreamed of...left me bit nauseous, shaken - the whole thing a minute or two...i've watched them eat at water's surface alot of gnoshing...
an inflatable skull hanging down from roof 10/19 - in the neighborhood on cynthia across from the firehouse
earlier, a man and a child made me wonder how i might live such grace with three (3) pumpkins on a potter's stand
Bram Stoker's "Dracula" now free online at Hulu...no embed.
mr. bones' pumpkin patch is open for halloween fun again this year at doheny and santa monica north
this place was packed and both the animals and ghosts (people about) will not be photographed...
while you pick your pumpkins, the kids can feed the animals and go on the moon bounce or skull slide - i did (feed the animals, that is)
the animals were kind and ate right outta my hands with other children afoot
teepee for sale! enquire within
another worthwhile guitar at 'the standard' on sunset today 10/19
the center snake symbol in white means 'thanks for being there we think of you often'
that mural at xiv on sunset blown up in your face for better or worse
if you have that one for parfait house in hamilton nj scan and send it to me at 'noomguod8@yahoo.com' i did my part...
fuck u and go away 'i ate a burger today anyway and killed something' it says
the new name of 'bug' studios isn't bad: 'the av team' starring 'mister t-v'
pavilions has marie callender's dinners for $2 each (5/$10) and c&h (california and hawaii) sugar five (5) pound bags for $2.49 as with indoor or circular coupon...the marie callender frozen fruit pies were good - especially the cherry and berry one we used conventional heating and some whipped cream...the hostess-style fruit pies 2/$1 are really good too...target says they are domino sugar (east coast) but i hate apple-weight too much metal in there...pavilions also sports their store brand of soda 'refreshe' for $0.79 a 2-liter...many flavors...their store brand of entrees 'safeway select' are $2 too....
had a dream i was with the blonde girl from abba - krista martin - she had a full-on baby grand in her hotel room and i was cleaning it kinda (water? not good) it was black with white keys the floor was orange...more later: anna-frida is the one who recorded 'something's going on' with phil collins, this one asks if she can remove a piano for lounge singing and they usually let her - this is robin guthrie's stuff...about itunes top 100 'that's just if you want it - i don't - there's something not magical about taking....we've sold ourselves nine million last year easy (per album) and you're in there too...we're going back in the studio soon - as soon as liz heals from latest cuts to her throat for singing adversely - no gift there' he says
the great tan and fleece coat from marshall's beverly connection and yes, they have 'em as of yesterday a new one has flannel and darker buttons for $10 less (or $39.99)...got a california club pizza at cpk lately (bacon, avocado, lettuce, roma tomatoes, chicken etc. about $14) and its lesson is that you don't need a bigger one than this for take out...is all the 'blt' version is too plus some...
a high-tech haunted house palace is on lacienega were the blockbuster used to be (near beverly center) it's called 'spirit' halloween shops and you won't be sorry!
from cvs a great ice tray called 'good cook' for $1.99...simply great
pavilion's has ice trays hanging around with colored rubber caps on each of the ice bottoms for gently pushing out...
downed street lamp on santa monica at palm northeast - its hardware and beauty
aids walk oct 16 on santa monica - no one arrived yet from downtown to be at the shore?
i took a single sunscreen pack 'aids lifecycle' from the guest table at gym bar
the old 'does your mama know?' club on sunset sundays 3am to 6 am and drinks pour once more
james dean said he would leave here after a late night and got into trouble this way
the gulliver mural is here but is across the street you see
his funny round wire glasses are of note - he had to boil them himself he said 'a petticoat lives me'
trader joe's on sunset - spurring music wall near the toilets
again - johnny rivers 'secret agent man'...not bad...devo did that too 'duty now for the future'
rubber fence in front of the house of blues on sunset - for style, and bits of peform
you were pretty good last week as i passed by...guitar and can
the bird of paradise, but colors lacking blooms year-long 'like need in a forest'
remember chicken wire, screen, and wire net - here at koontz - for making paper mache
sure - newspaper strips dipped in flour and water mixed to a light paste and dried on
keep the season clean of it
kmart offers a smart 10' x 20' auto storage or carport in tan just $229...save that in your hat...similarly, a child's teepee for indoors? cover sticks with pillowlet and have loops on end for anchors-stakes you to think ahead...for masturbating?
staples rewards (a club you sign up for like cvs extra care) will give you two dollars ($2) with every hp printer cartridge turned in or recycled then...our printer (the cheapest a deskjet f4480) has been fucked by electronic swindling we'll print at the library for now...then buy cheapest again...
masturbation? recommends 'not a topic for conversation' certainly not...learn to enjoy yourself don't be filthy a bother that makes people think of theirselves (taking the reins makes people run right off), then pass it on...remember we ridicule tough talk and faggots do not pull over for words and their coin...there are no jokes in heaven inclusion, a grace...the very mother of cookie plate masters and johnson 'we dont want to talk about people - they are boring' - princeton - declines, but i find myself appreciative of the latte...some? a broken home loves me we are both poor (a self describing me)...
helter skelter? a 'health in itself' after being ravaged (chased blindly) or as i say, 'passioned by blades'...adds 'the gifts of harvest' at harry and david
halloween greetings from 'salem's lot'
where'd this happen? the happy apple inn, imlaystown. new jersey - entering the south side of building
the happy apple puts their dishes from nighttime in a block freezer and then in the morning rinses easily with warm water...
'firestarter' with drew barrymore and david keith
simply charming by the way, with neil's older brother and the bushes elder and younger (george c. scott is bush senior our president and also marlon brando, robert duvall, etc.) and heather locklear
aka martha plimpton in 'goonies'? the ma barker character is madonna's father danny aiello
Notes by Neil: No one makes more than $7,000 a day, tops. Mine don't sell, yours do. Watching is bleeding. Some come in bald - that means no one made money because the transfer is hard. No satisfactions from fans either all have all. Positive notes is that one pays for five. One pays for five - my five. See it hold me then. No one makes money here. The most sold is 'Ginger Grant' or Whitney Houston 'I Will Always Love You' and Air Supply 'Every Woman In The World'. "People don't have a right to money - I do." Adds 'Dog Day Afternoon' is the biggest movie [with] seventeen million to date rent and buy - "either pays the same." Note iTunes has both 'Dog Day' and 'Evil Dead' buy-rent...
madonna 'i want you' with massive attack...a dying swan as evita? two (2) hours then nothing
junky almond 'sand-able' countertop around your sink? spray paint fixed it well - well - krylon indoor/outdoor ivory worked for us
children shouldn't play with dead things...'evil dead' (the first one) is so hard on the find now blue-ray
this is high plus art...a fashion with me
for the fact 'luann' the farmer's daughter
cher says of her 'dancing' visit (we loved seeing her): 'the most humiliating day of my life was spent with these people - real trash and that kid is so fucked up thinking i'm or he is real'...'what a fucking loser-type to me - eat shit, pig'...'i was in custody of the army - what a pig' doug moon? 'is real, but is fucked up too - thanks again' one day benedict canyon will rule!
glamourpuss fingerhut now has childhood riding instrument krazy kar (crazy wheel)! remember, farm tractors are every glamorous and what else? Big book.
word for the day 'cartharage' - people (who are action packed or lazy) won't leave and we have to assist them - is that in there? a carful through the ages then
what about 'omen'? from 'onanism' or 'spilling one's seed (semen) upon the ground' (from readman's or self-taught bible)...it is to me, anyway...is 'seeing something you're not supposed to see', a harsh, prior injuries perhaps...reflects poorly and makes you think about what's to come...mind over says 'omen' is the same thing if you want or 'being held accountable after the fact' for harsh acts...remember jews only want to escape practical harms (no milk in bowls + finger meat) and you don't need to have your mind challenged and updated daily by others...best escape? reasoning against 'nobody does this in private' a cartoon at best...be nice 'is it good?' + 'is it good to me?' + 'that's not real' what we all see, what we know to be true by having participated and witnessed a decline or opt out wil never hurt you except anguish but also makes you a demon (demonstrated knowledges less not knowing anything for sure) with too many franks-leaks about the burger a drag then 'poor taste' the wine not so sweet will be tasted once again searched for flavor or seed...
i cursed this if truth-be-known, but they make you wait all the way to dec 6 at itunes
'objectionable' asian humours or exclusions whatever a wasteland of grips however great laughs probably you can't put a price on that!
fuck you i sank 'gulliver' too...bad moods...still i venture you
'alice.' nov 12 you'll see it up in your ass where shit happens anyway
(if diana were here i'd blow her legs off on a walk...her son's...)
gulliver is always pictured a weirdo of midgets surround (poor?) and i need no more but to see it done my way...parfait house circa 1970...xiv club sunset
was like 'friendly' (nabisco) ice cream shops - burgers, fries, sundaes, banana splits, take home gallons
parfait house was bankamerica and folded into visa cards and is now citibank or mattel electronics division
2(x)ist is for 'twenty-first' century...probably not?
relax - an update is necessary to continued viewing and for five minutes i might moisten a stamp
brought about for the look - is this him too?
says his mother poked his eyes out post mortem 'for leaving' and the lips you can place yourself 'as not so scary' she said
well...humble
thanks to the great adventure history site the 'gah photo drop' section
hey! is this my tune? alright - wow! or 'odds and ends' below the belt:
beauty and the beat from a sister spa in toronto...canada
a bit glam my new boyfriend...soon colonel abrams < (meet master banks and note any tribute)
richard is colonel abrams too in the video above so worthy and strange - god said it is because he was beheaded once...play on
these (above) were my picks, action-paks from yesterday...
I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever got to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.
THE DOTS
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out, they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.
And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out, I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.
It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
Love & loss
I was lucky - I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents' garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started ? Well, as Apple grew, we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.
I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologise for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me - I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the world's first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.
I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.
Destiny & death
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumour on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.
I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.
This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.
Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.
by Steven Jobs post humous...rec'd by e-mail
terry got us a face mask desktop in red...'skull dougery' a small film (with terry laughing why)
i love a blood candle: red wax sprayed with silver paint
