From The Best Buy Ad, LA Weekly June 27-July 3, 2008 [71]



"Ace In The Hole" Billy Wilder
"I never had a woman I didn't like - and that means seriously. So what - they stink and they know they stink. So what?" God says you stunk too. Have that. And never have I had a woman that didn't make me happy in that way that she does. Have that too. More: I live on the inside and that means where it's made. Never tell women anything - they are not real. They are me and that's for sure. How can you know? You can't - but ask one softly one day and they'll tell you again: "Go to hell." I make women with three (3) ideals in mind: never ask me, never tell me, and never have me over to speak my mind in front of others. They never do. Do you? You did, and you went to hell for it. Never talk to me again.


"Brazil" Terry Gilliam
"When I was young, we never took our clothes off for fear of dying for it with my father. He hated the way we looked, and that meant everything to us." So then, you decided to take your clothes off here with Jonathan Prince at the helm. We are not booklings or favored friends you and I, but I suppose you work with my mother to portray sense in it when there is no sense. Take your clothes off when asked to not. Take your clothes off before a shower, before glancing off, before being attracted to what is not naturally yours as is the asymptote or actual being from Pink Floyd's "The Wall". That is my cartoon, but okay - you see it here the mellandrome known as Mortadella taking his time with you is now on the cutting room floor but and is restored herewith somehow. And I beg you not to notice me again walking about with "your clothes on" having since disposed of them. You are Guy Mitchell selling hair products you know this now.


"Days Of Heaven" Terrence Malick
"I never ate a snack at home that I didn't like with you. That's true. You can eat snacks alone, and you can eat them with me, but blessing the snack with your hands and teeth off of mine makes them enjoyable too. Keep yours out."


"Drunken Angel" Akira Kurosawa (Madonna about Neil...)
"I was in love, and he was in love too. We know this." You are in love with homosexuals because you think you know them. You do not know homosexuals the way they know theirselves. A homosexual promotes tooth decay, rear axle grease, and homily or vacationing with you but leaving if you know them well. If you don't, you know homosexuals hate people who shine their shoes in front of them or ask to know them better with their own trait. Homosexuals will kill you in the teeth if you keep asking them to do. Don't keep asking them to know you or they will kill you, I promise. Ask Doug - he does these too. Doug kills with aggression and leaving. "You better leave first" he says.


"La Haine" Mathieu Kassovitz
"We walked out from a movie theatre with cuffs on our hands because we were asian." No, because we were spitting at passing traffic in our lane so-to-speak of chairs and such. That is our story - half-tolds with bits of irony and, no, this isn't good stuff. Three items: We work here with constant interference to stop us? No - to get us to stop working so hard. You too. The title means "no heart in it".


"House Of Games" David Mamet
"When I play with my wife, I usually ask her not to put her nose up in my ass so I can think and often she does this. I don't ask her a thing, and she keeps it coming. 'Is this me, too' I wonder? I am no one to her yet as a dead person living with her, but I ply my trades against life by listening and learning to listen well. Is this you too?"


"The Ice Storm" Ang Lee
We did not witness the birth of one Ang Lee, so we point to Sheldon Chun my friend or otherwise known as Mao Tse Sung the Chinese god-emperor. God sees you laughing with me, but does not recoil or ask again with you. Ask God to make you sure of who and why, and then you will reign again with your sister Ming - and with me. God does not know "God" your god. I know my god - me. Have a laugh with us one day again. China is through with us and will not respond favorably or otherwise. They hate us, but will rejoin again one day after strifes have been paid for. Thank you again for dinner plus some love. Thank you.  


"The Last Emperor" Bernardo Bertolucci
"When women quote me, why would I have that - a woman?" A woman is nature's first guess toward you - 'how would I be without one' it says? The last emperor in China was me, and I guess you never moved to ask me that. It's true. I killed people endlessly and asked others not to promote their decay to this. They did anyway, as usual, and as per some God over us. I asked others not to promote my wise-acre of the mouth, or be seen and shot for it. With the new olympiad and all (that means only women may participate you don't see that) I ask others not to get involved. You want women - me too - and that's that. The last emperor you can quote directly: "Do not eat of us, do not take of us: or we'll take yours and quite handily at that." Ask the queen of England - she lost everything doing battle with the likes of me and I quote "We have not eaten ourselves, we have been eaten. Eat less then, or eat yourself again somehow. I beg God to stop this at-once." Beg off, Bitch.


"Stranger Than Paradise" Jim Jarmusch
"When I woke up this morning, there were two more guards on the lawn watching nothing I could see." That's because it's not about you. If it were you, you would have to consider how much and how little like our Doug Moon. Doug Moon is dumb like, or as you say, a Kurt Vonnegut-type to mean "no mission too small" but I set you up again. Doug Moon does not read Jean Stapleton, but if I did, it would be about our days on "All In The Family" or perhaps with Whoopie Goldberg your nemesis on CBS' doomed (never to be) or then ill-fated (never paid for) "Baghdad Cafe". Leave us laughing again, not sorry with you. You died - so what? You are a man now. Merle Norman, to be exact. P.S. Archie Bunker was a national-level mortician that means "no cops" at all, just friends.


"Two-Lane Blacktop" Monte Hellman
(a second lane now issued in red, top to bottom - one more afterward not included here...a god talk without god is like god without noise - that is life happening...trust that to yourself next time): "More than thirteen people" speaks to codes not present in modern day time. That is the quote here about God - he thinks thirteen people make sense always, one less than me stated. Push back upward - that is past. I don't reason people, I use fact and day. You think people matter - they do not ever. They live here to refine theirselves away from me and mine. You don't show up here unless I hate you - trust that. Mine is always with me and yours is always lacking with you. Proof? You stole a salad for lunch from a local store to make ends meet next week by buying less sauce than you usually buy. That is theft to me and I do it never. I go in, buy the salad made already and note no profit possible ever thanks to gifts lain against each other outward. I eat with you not against you but alone and without spit usually unless I seek to honor some boy that spits in me always with breath so tender I could die of being mothered by them. Goodbye mother, I note softly to myself and as not engaging me fully yet. Ending note: No two people live well in this world beyond six days together then you get my attention. Get serious - you have my things in your possession denying me happiness no thought of you. Trust me - you'll pay over and over again to know them once, and once more.


"Under The Volcano" John Huston (aka Larry "Bud" Melman from CBS' "Late Night With David Letterman Show")
"I am no one to her, but I back this up by saying she is no one to me yet. I go on and on without her sometimes and in my head, but she offers no stimulus and that I can think of." You are no one to me too, and that is why asians like you speak in terms - always afraid someone else might speak it as well or without you altogether. Lighten up - it's all there. No speaking means no getting spoken to, but that is sex and food. Eat up. One more thing: I am God, not you, and I do not read your books. Don't address me as though I do. I read the cliff notes plus my arguments against your type of person first. First, that is, and then nothing. Others read on and I take theirs instead. Something like that....


"Vengeance Is Mine" Shohei Imamura
"Vengeance is mine to be against [me] you say." That is never true. You will die soon linking up facts about me, being asian and desperate to know others the way I know them. You were made an asian for eating fish in my face often being a woman and unable to quote me with the rejection like Jews marry gentiles to further their demise in Hell. Hell is for beggars who never know where the next meal is coming from, but it does come to Hell in the form of paper bags from black mothers to their children who rife through McDonald's taking their meats home once again. You pay for this with stickers and we help. The stickers change the dates unmercifully at Candy Rotten's estate as she waits for note from you and China. 'Do not eat at McDonald's' it says? No - that is guaranteed pure against wishes by me, but another restaurant chain has fed dogs and shepherds alike moles in their burgers at Wendy's for feeding them to us in 1966 - a gamble of 'trade and topic' they'd say. Their kids got moles wrestling blacks in to their graves vaguely enough and thank the "bird of paradise" plant - a moniker or false name - for being misunderstood. That is hemlock trying to make a reappearance in my home as a salad garnish...good look.

Don't ask Wendy's - what do they know? "You should be more responsible in reporting trade." That is not trade, it is Kentucky balking at me again (me ever: "I never got anything I didn't like from Kentucky [um, their boys mostly...add ONJ]" - quote me again] by making fish their main timberlane. Have a day with it. We hate fish open, but eat at McDonald's often enough and usually love their fish sandwich that one-half bit of cheese on-top is just right, I'd say. This from the woman who made government cheese in 1978 boiling the stockings off of wolves and their mothers back in Detroit? No true yet.


Don't call me yet - I'm getting paid soon, nigger child mine. Be there for it rise you.